Intro
My previous attempt to explain why this site exists doesn't really say what I am trying to convey.
I have a predominantly Caucasian homozygous recessive genetic disorder. When I talk about "Following my diagnosis, I had a series of relationships to anything but a White man." I feel like other people hear "She thinks men of color are HOT." and "If you are a man of color, I'm a racist sack of shit who watches interracial porn. Hit me up, stupid! I would do you because I have a fetish for your skin color and it excites me to treat men in a completely shallow and dehumanizing fashion as hot because of this stupid detail."
No, that's NOT what I'm saying.
What I'm really saying is that an accident of birth threw my life under a bus and I am covered in scars and have PTSD from it so bad that in spite of growing up in the racist Deep South, I became intimately familiar with some men who weren't lily white. And then after my father died, I tripped across a photo that smacked me in the face hard with saying "Hey, STOOPID. Your daddy was not only a small part Native, he LOOKS Native and you had absolutely no idea and thought he looked very stereotypically White."
My genetic disorder is classified as a Dread Disease and I'm pretty sure a lot of people who have it and died shockingly young from, say, complications of their latest surgery actually stealth committed suicide to put an end to their suffering.
Looking back on my debacle of a life, my genetic disorder is the real reason:
1. I couldn't figure out how to adequately support myself with a paid job of my own and ended up a little wifey full-time homemaker imprisoned in a 1950s-style marriage with a troglodyte husband who spouted lying BULLSHIT about being pro women's lib.
2. I turned down a National Merit Scholarship to the University of Georgia, which is a world class university with lots of spiffy honors and such and one of the top two universities in my home state of Georgia.
3. I chose to only have two children instead of the three I originally wanted, even though I really desperately wanted a third child so bad I didn't stop hoping to remarry and have another child until a seriously screwed up young person became my unofficially adopted daughter I never had and then burned me badly for helping her. The ugly end to this relationship occurred after nine months and I viewed it as a kind of spiritual miscarriage and stopped hoping to have that third child.
4. And my condition was also the underlying cause of a zillion other personal failures and disappointments.
For much of my life, in spite of being White, middle class and American, I somehow largely failed to fit in with White, middle class Americans and I have a history of having icky interactions with White American men which has been food for thought about some things.
1. I'm very clear I'm interested in my father's culture.
2. I'm equally clear that what I have liked about some people I got to know well wasn't what they looked like but was their culture and personal values associated with it.
3. The years I've spent going "What the hell, man???!" about the offensive behavior of some White males informs my opinions about the MMIW crisis.
This blog finally gelled in January 2026. This is probably the fourth attempt at figuring out how to relate constructively to my interest in my father's cultural heritage as someone that the entire world sees as a White woman who therefore couldn't possibly have a legitimate interest in Native anything and must be a predatory Colonizer looking to victimize the people some more.
Some observations:
1. My maiden name is Irish in origin. The Irish weren't originally seen as White when they began immigrating to the US.
2. I'm probably about 3 percent Cherokee. If that were African blood, I would be officially "not White" according to The One Drop Rule but the US has a "Pocahontas Exception" to say a little Native blood is okay. Because slaves aren't allowed to wash it off while Blood Quantum is a policy of genocide by bureaucratic paperwork.
3. The US census is self reported data in a country that strongly pressures people to try to pass as White if at all possible, therefore odds are extremely good that most so-called White Americans are really mixed blood.
4. In-breeding actively promotes higher rates of serious genetic disorders. This means White Supremacists are not only promoting genocide for people of color, they are promoting genocide for Caucasians of a slower, more insidious and gruesome nature.
A good friend once told me "A good death is quick." Rest assured, Dread Diseases don't provide you a good death.
31 May 2026
I have a predominantly Caucasian homozygous recessive genetic disorder. When I talk about "Following my diagnosis, I had a series of relationships to anything but a White man." I feel like other people hear "She thinks men of color are HOT." and "If you are a man of color, I'm a racist sack of shit who watches interracial porn. Hit me up, stupid! I would do you because I have a fetish for your skin color and it excites me to treat men in a completely shallow and dehumanizing fashion as hot because of this stupid detail."
No, that's NOT what I'm saying.
What I'm really saying is that an accident of birth threw my life under a bus and I am covered in scars and have PTSD from it so bad that in spite of growing up in the racist Deep South, I became intimately familiar with some men who weren't lily white. And then after my father died, I tripped across a photo that smacked me in the face hard with saying "Hey, STOOPID. Your daddy was not only a small part Native, he LOOKS Native and you had absolutely no idea and thought he looked very stereotypically White."
My genetic disorder is classified as a Dread Disease and I'm pretty sure a lot of people who have it and died shockingly young from, say, complications of their latest surgery actually stealth committed suicide to put an end to their suffering.
Looking back on my debacle of a life, my genetic disorder is the real reason:
1. I couldn't figure out how to adequately support myself with a paid job of my own and ended up a little wifey full-time homemaker imprisoned in a 1950s-style marriage with a troglodyte husband who spouted lying BULLSHIT about being pro women's lib.
2. I turned down a National Merit Scholarship to the University of Georgia, which is a world class university with lots of spiffy honors and such and one of the top two universities in my home state of Georgia.
3. I chose to only have two children instead of the three I originally wanted, even though I really desperately wanted a third child so bad I didn't stop hoping to remarry and have another child until a seriously screwed up young person became my unofficially adopted daughter I never had and then burned me badly for helping her. The ugly end to this relationship occurred after nine months and I viewed it as a kind of spiritual miscarriage and stopped hoping to have that third child.
4. And my condition was also the underlying cause of a zillion other personal failures and disappointments.
For much of my life, in spite of being White, middle class and American, I somehow largely failed to fit in with White, middle class Americans and I have a history of having icky interactions with White American men which has been food for thought about some things.
1. I'm very clear I'm interested in my father's culture.
2. I'm equally clear that what I have liked about some people I got to know well wasn't what they looked like but was their culture and personal values associated with it.
3. The years I've spent going "What the hell, man???!" about the offensive behavior of some White males informs my opinions about the MMIW crisis.
This blog finally gelled in January 2026. This is probably the fourth attempt at figuring out how to relate constructively to my interest in my father's cultural heritage as someone that the entire world sees as a White woman who therefore couldn't possibly have a legitimate interest in Native anything and must be a predatory Colonizer looking to victimize the people some more.
Some observations:
1. My maiden name is Irish in origin. The Irish weren't originally seen as White when they began immigrating to the US.
2. I'm probably about 3 percent Cherokee. If that were African blood, I would be officially "not White" according to The One Drop Rule but the US has a "Pocahontas Exception" to say a little Native blood is okay. Because slaves aren't allowed to wash it off while Blood Quantum is a policy of genocide by bureaucratic paperwork.
3. The US census is self reported data in a country that strongly pressures people to try to pass as White if at all possible, therefore odds are extremely good that most so-called White Americans are really mixed blood.
4. In-breeding actively promotes higher rates of serious genetic disorders. This means White Supremacists are not only promoting genocide for people of color, they are promoting genocide for Caucasians of a slower, more insidious and gruesome nature.
A good friend once told me "A good death is quick." Rest assured, Dread Diseases don't provide you a good death.
31 May 2026