A Thought About My Recovery

While I was homeless, I learned for the first time that the band that sings Come And Get Your Love is entirely Native. I think at some point after that, I posted a question on some forum asking for songs about sexual consent. There didn't seem to be any other songs quite like this one.

Perhaps Sledgehammer by Peter Gabriel is the closest thing I can think of. Except there is a subtle difference in that it is about a man trying to talk a woman into being willing based on the idea that he will meet her needs.

It remains one step removed from genuinely being about what she wants. It is, ultimately, about getting what he wants and his method is to offer to serve her needs.

The underlying attitude of Come and Get Your Love is that a woman is entitled to get her sexual needs met. This stands in stark contrast to the much more commonly expressed idea that women exist as sex objects and they merely serve the needs of men. "Good girls" aren't really supposed to ha…

Traditional Medicine

As a teenager living in East Germany, my mother wanted to be a doctor. She delivered a few babies during her teens and then escaped East Germany, met my father and ended up a military wife instead.

I'm alive in part because of my mother's interest in medicine. She was very knowledgeable about medical stuff compared to most homemakers, including using traditional herbs from her German culture to treat some things at home, like chamomile, which has mild antibiotic properties and which she used to treat my infected ankle as a teen after doctors botched my treatment and took my stitches out too soon.

My mother's interest in and knowledge of medicine helped keep me remarkably healthy as a child. Later, it helped empower me to work on my health after I finally got a proper diagnosis in my thirties after a lifetime of being called "lazy" and treated like I was some kind of hypochondriac with an overactive imagination.

But that's not the whole story. My father…

Sleep and Culture

I think sometime earlier this year, I saw a discussion on Twitter with Natives and other People of Color expressing their feelings about a thing having to do with sleep and culture.

Apparently, some White person said something somewhere about how literally sleeping together is some sort of sexual thing. And these folks were all up in arms about "Oh, ugh. Give me a freaking break!"

My kids slept with me a fair amount when they were little and, as homeless adults, the three of us curled up together to stay warm in winter with minimal bedding. I don't talk too much about that on the internet because I'm uncomfortably aware of how White culture -- the "default" acceptable culture in so many spaces -- views that in sexual terms.

I feel especially vulnerable to weird accusations because I am quite open about having been molseted as a child. So I feel like people who see that in sexualized terms will leap to conclusions like I have an unhealthy relationsh…

Words on the Internet

I had a bad dream this morning about Native Americans being mad at me for working on something social in nature that I felt qualified to work on instead of working on something like legal reforms. So, today I dug up a draft I started a while ago on some other blog called My Occupation and began editing it.

The TLDR of that post: I blog because I'm extremely seriously medically handicapped. It helps keep me literally occupied. It's something I can do sometimes, in spite of how very seriously impaired I am.

But I also tend to focus on the social thing generally rather than on politics or laws or that sort of thing. I was a full-time wife and mom for a lot of years and I've done a lot of therapy to cope with my own issues.

So I have spent a lot of my life thinking about problems through the lens of how to reach the hearts and minds of people.

Some of that was time spent thinking about how to reach into my own heart and mind and deal with bugs in the wetware. Some of …

My Reaction to Learning of the Sixties Scoop

I saw a thread today on Twitter by an Indigenous man that spoke of horrific abuse and used the hashtag: #60sscoop. That hashtag refers to the Sixties Scoop, which I had never heard of before.

It's apparently a Canadian thing and I am a citizen of the US, so that would be a factor in me having not previously heard of it. But the reality is White individuals in America are often woefully ignorant of the abuse Whites as a whole inflict or have inflicted upon People of Color as a routine thing.

I was sexually abused as a child and I've read a fair amount about abuse, so I'm not some sheltered individual who just thinks everyone is nice. Yet I found myself balking at accepting the veracity of this man's words because the abuse he described was too horrific and too shocking.

I think this is a factor in how hard it is to resolve a lot of systemic issues: The people in power have often had fairly cushy lives and they don't realize that's privilege. They just t…

Making the Invisible Visible

My father was career Army. He retired when I was three. I grew up in Columbus, Georgia and Ft. Benning was a large part of my life. I had a lot of friends who were in the military, were former military or had a father who was retired Army and so forth.

I got married at age 19 to another 19 year old with whom I had graduated high school. His father had been career Army and his only dream was to be a soldier. He, also, made a career of the Army.

So I was a military wife for a lot of years. And then we began a long, slow divorce that was very drawn out because of my health issues and the fact that we have two special-needs kids.

When I was getting divorced, my first boyfriend was a man who had retired from the Army. We met through a mutual friend and this friend was, like me, a military wife and homeschooling mom.

The military has its own culture. I tend to get along better with people who have spent some time in the military or who have been military dependents. For the first …

Please and Thank You

I used to participate in a horribly toxic cesspit of a forum called Metafilter. They eventually banned me, in part for being too poor because poisonous levels of classism are the norm there.

They learned these poisonous levels of classism from the (then) lead mod, a woman named Jessamyn West who has said she is a member of the One Percent and cited her job at Metafilter as one of the root causes of that. Oh, ha ha. Give me a break. No.

The reality is she inherited wealth from her parents and while I knew her she never once said a kind word about them. She dogged them every step of the way: Her mother is a narcissist. Her father was an alcoholic. Etc.

So she doesn't have a grateful bone in her body. She's horribly contemptuous and has no respect whatsoever for other people.

And one of her pet phrases was to say "This is why we can't have nice things." It was her playing the role of abusive mother to the audience members that she cast as her badly behaved c…